Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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