the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
