Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
