Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
