You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
