So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
