Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
