Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
