Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
