All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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