I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You have to summon your inner elephant
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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