Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
