somebody snuck up and got me drunk
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
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