So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
