I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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