No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
