I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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