genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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