So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
