9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
