Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
