dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
