Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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