I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
