What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
