and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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