why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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