i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
