Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
