We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
