i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I didn't notice because vodka
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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