ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
