after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
