I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
