Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize