what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
