after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Life is so much better after having sex.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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