nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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