My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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