How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
