Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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