I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
