saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
