He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
