very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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