the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
