I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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