How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
