Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
