I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
