She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
