oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
