Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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