i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
