she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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