sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
