Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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