Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
