Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize