So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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