I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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