So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
